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Headlines that tell the entire story

Hey, news editors writing headlines that tell the entire story—be praised!

The ordered presentation of facts and not the grooming of responses is what citizens want. And despite likely higher click-through rates, the rest of you can fuck off with the coy questions, implied mystery, fortune telling, and all the other horseshit.

Oh btw, "facts" are all the things you can know without opening up anybody else's head. Inside the head stuff is called "opinion".